Fuck It All To Hell-The Sequel
Goddamn it, I am really starting to lose my shit with the background check company hired by my potential new employer. I was already on edge, but this latest situation has exacerbated my frustration.
Ugh!
Get this...on Monday the HR person at the job emailed me a link to this background check company's website, where I had to fill out a fuckton of information about my past. Seven years worth of addresses, ten years worth of employment, and all kinds of other detailed personal information.
There was a place on the form that asked whether or not I'd grant permission for my current employer to be contacted. Obviously I said no because DUH-that's like fucking broadcasting I'm looking for a new job.
Now, I have been at my current employer for six years, but before that I had a shitload of different jobs. I was in college, that's normal right?
So anyway, yesterday I got an email from the background check company saying they needed a copy of my W-2 from my current employer or a way to contact them to verify my work history.
Well, I found out we have an automated line for private employment verifications but you have to set up a pin number and some other quasi-time consuming shit. I went ahead and performed the steps and half an hour later, emailed them back with the information.
Thought that would be the end of it, hoped they would hurry the fuck up and finish the shit so I can get my goddamn job offer already...
WRONG!!!
Today I get another email from these fucksters talking about "Please forward a copy of your W-2 from 2001 when you worked at _______ company. This information will help us expedite the completion of your background screening. If you do not have this information, let us know and we will make a note of it."
A W-2 FROM A JOB I HELD FOR THREE LOUSY MONTHS SEVEN YEARS AGO?
WHAT???
OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE THAT SHIT ANYMORE GODDAMN IT! WHY WOULD I?
Is this a motherfucking joke? Like, are they really serious? Even the IRS only mandates employers to keep W-2 records for 6 years so why the fuck are they hassling me about this old ass shit?????
I emailed them back: "Actually no, I no longer have this information. I don't save tax returns for more than 5 years. This is a job I held for three months, seven years ago, what would be the significance of this information?"
Of course the douchebags never emailed me back with an answer.
Fucking ridiculous.
You'd think I was applying for a job with Homeland Security at the Pentagon! What the fuck! No wonder this shit is taking so fucking long. These assbags want your whole life history. What next? Will they ask for my transcript from 4th grade? How about my locker number and combination from senior year?
Maybe I will be required to fax over copies of my cat's pawprints since they're members of my household.
And hey...I'm going to the gynecologist in the morning, how about a twat scan for your records background check company?
But really, what bugs me the most is that if they are trying to verify every job I've had over THE PAST 10 YEARS, this is going to take fucking FOREVER. For the love of God, I was 18 ten years ago! I had four or five jobs in one year alone when I was 19! Some of the rinky dink mom and pop shops I worked at aren't even in business anymore! Surely they don't expect to be able to verify EVERYTHING on EVERBODY down to the last minute fucking detail!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
I wanna scream.
I understand the need for employers to perform a criminal background check. I ALLOW but don't personally agree with employers doing credit checks (I don't agree with it because from my observations, some of the most dishonest people are big wigs at white collar companies who have stellar credit, and also you can't fully discern from someone's credit history what type of worker they will be- especially in a POS economy like this where potentially good employees are struggling to pay their bills), but to request tax returns from seven years ago, over some inconsequential job I held for three months is just absurd.
My nerves are frayed, my patience is running thin, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it but WAIT.
Mahogany Misfit - Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 10:36PM - 9 said something... - filed under Me Bitching and Ranting Email Article 
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Reader Comments (9)
A "twat scan" LOL! You are a mess.
I have never heard of a company asking for such information though and I agree that it's out of hand to ask for w-2's from that long ago. Nobody I know keeps w-2's longer than 3 or 4 years. I don't get why that is even important to them anyway. I hope they hurry this along so you can get your job and be at ease girl.
THA FUCK?! I, too, understand that background checks are a necessary evil when applying for certain occupations, but damn, you're not going to work for Obama, just a bank!! I wonder - if they are going through THIS much trouble to get your previous info, maybe they are going to hire you, but just giving you the runaround. If that's the case (and I really hope it is!), then why don't they just go ahead and hire you and do the piddly shit afterward? At first, it was nervewracking, now they're just asking for some shit to be blown up! LOL
It isn't even a "bank" actually girl. It's a dot com, techie company!
They are testing my sanity, that is for damn sure
Love the new template, its HOT!
Good luck with the new job, I am sure you will get it..you are so right it all comes down to testing patientce...
That sounds super frustrating, but hey, you know they are just making sure you are as good as they think you are ;-)
Girl you are too funny, I was literally lmao at this: What next? Will they ask for my transcript from 4th grade? How about my locker number and combination from senior year?
Maybe I will be required to fax over copies of my cat's pawprints since they're members of my household.
And hey...I'm going to the gynecologist in the morning, how about a twat scan for your records background check company?
I know at this point it is easier said than done, but you must exercise patience.......
dot com techie company asking for all that shit?!?!?! actually wait...i'm not surprised. i had to do the same thing for the contract i'm on now....and get this....i've been here for like 3 months and they came to me last week and asked me to take a drug test. wtf!?!? why not do that with all the other crap you asked for 3 months ago? anyway maybe you wanna get that twat scan ready............
I had to do all that and more for a job interview with my local county sheriff's department (a job I didn't end up getting anyway), but a tech company? THE HELL...???
That's serious!!! I work for a major credit card company handling very sensitive information and they didn't ask for all that crap. But then again we just had to sign off the rights to let them dig in our pasts, but they never contact you about it - they just tell you if you got the job or not.
They seriously need to invest in better fact checking programs. This can be the first thing that you suggest after they hire you.
I'll cross my fingers for you, I'll only cross my legs too in extreme conditions ; ) ......so keep us posted