Toxic Friend- Adding Icing To The Shit Cake
Any new readers will have to go back and read the history of my toxic friendship here and here before delving into this post.
OK, so a few weeks ago, "Toxic Friend" sent me the following text: "Hey, how's it going? You've been on my mind a lot, how are you?"
Against my better judgment I answer back that I'm doing very well and hope things are good with her.
Why the fuck did I do that???
The next message is one about how her 8-year-old daughter has fallen in with "the wrong crowd" and in major crisis and now has to be moved to another school due to this.
Um, first of all, what is the "wrong crowd" when you are 8 goddamn years old? There was no "wrong crowd" when I was 8. Have children gotten that much shittier in twenty damn years?
Christ.
My idea of a wrong crowd is sex, smoking, skipping school, doing drugs, etc. and that was not on my radar back in 1988 when I was 8 so what the fuck is going on?
The worst thing I did at 8 was posing my Barbie's in 69's and other lewd sexual positions, and crashing my kiddie bike on purpose so my parents would buy me a ten speed.
Ugh. I simply answered back "sorry to hear that" and went back to doing my nails.
I tell myself I want no details whatsofuckingever.
Unhappy with that response, she texts back that she has something "exciting" to tell me.
Again, I don't respond.
No that this deters her.
The next text says that she has "met Mr. Right two months ago" and they are going to Vegas together at the end of April "to get away from everything for a while."
WHAT? Vegas with a man she just met two months ago????
I just couldn't NOT ask her, "Are you taking the kids?"
Cause this is scaring me.
"No, we're going alone, J's mom is going to watch the kids for a few days!" she replies.
You know what, I HAD to stop responding at that point. I cannot get sucked back into this catastrophic catastro-fuck.
Her 8 year old is involved in shit so serious that it requires the switching of schools and she's going on vacation? THAT LITTLE GIRL NEEDS HER MOTHER THERE TO GUIDE HER RIGHT NOW! And why the fuck is she traveling 2000 miles with a man she hardly fucking knows in the first damn place? WHAT IF HE'S A CRAZY??? And who is paying for this trip when she is supporting 3 kids on less than $30k a year and barely making ends meet?
I am beyond disgusted. You know what guys, even though I ended our friendship, I did not stop caring about her. I just do it from a distance now. In all honesty, I truly held out hope that she would start doing better. I thought maybe one day she would change and I would gain some semblance of respect for her and "take her back" as a friend.
Clearly the joke is on me.
Mahogany Misfit - Sunday, April 12, 2009 at 09:44PM - 13 said something... - filed under I Hate People, Life Issues Email Article 
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Reader Comments (13)
It's our human nature to want the best for people especially for those we care about.
This woman sounds like she's reaching out to you and it's up to you if you decide to reach back.
Sounds like she doesn't have her priorities straight at all.
Stay focused, NO DRAMA! Let someone else deal with her. :)
Chick, Tanyetta is right, she is reaching out to you, but she is reaching out to the wrong person. You are not prepared to help her emotionally any more than you could be prepared to help her medically.
This woman needs a therapist YEARS ago. She is in desperate need of professional help. You not being able to help her will only drag you down.
Most of us know that if a guy invites us on a trip and we barely know him, we know that he's a psycho and not to go. I got invited to go to California next weekend by some idiot I met on Friday for drinks. I'd known him a total of 3 hours. Needless to say I am losing his number.
Her basic social knowledge, or knowledge how not to become a victim, is nonexistent. She will continue to be victimized and it will drain you to witness it over and over. She continues to make the wrong choice when a choice presents itself.
Meanwhile, how is being in contact with her, or trying to be her friend, enhancing YOUR life? It doesn't sound like it is. It sounds like she adds nothing but drama and heartache to your life. Friendship should uplift BOTH parties and be beneficial to both parties.
I wish you luck cutting her off altogether, although maybe you should stick around since you might have to be the one that calls CPS when the time comes.
Wow! She can barely feed her kids yet she can afford to go on vacation!? According to her the 8 year old seems one incident from a life of crime (or pole-dancing at the very least) yet she has the peace of mind to leave her with someone else. Talk about dumping your problems onto someone else! How about finding a therapist or some activities for this wayward child? SHE is probably the reason the child is acting up. That poor child is crying out for attention and she has no fucking responsible parents or grandparents it seems. CPS should be knocking down her door.
Well, at least she didn't tell you that she was pregnant again. If she does, you need to cut her off for life and tell her to lose your number.
Oh, and $20 bucks says she tries to come back from Vegas as a Mrs. From what you've described, she just seems like the type.
I'm 100% co-sign with Chloe and I'd like to bet another $20 that the 8 y/o is pregnant in 5-7 years.
Far be it from me to pass judgement, but shit is shit and your "friend" seems waist deep in it and sinking fast.
I wish her and her 8 year old the best.
I bet that Mr Right is laid up in her house on a regular with her 3 kids seeing all this. I won't even say it, but she seriously needs to get her priorities straight.
Agreed, with all of the above, sadly...this lady should have been seeing a therapist ages ago, and her kids' lives are not lining up to be anything but difficult at this point. Although you care and you have lent her an ear, which I think is good, you cannot help her out of her mess(es)--SHE has to do it. As my dad, who went through AA, says: "Only I have the power to fuck up my life," and so it is with behaviours such as your friend's. What a mess she's made for herself, but she seems not to learn.
it's hard when you have someone who you rolled deep with and then they turn out to be a complete waste of time and space. its also hard to be the person that someone is saying that about. i've been on both sides of the page. however, unlike your friend i grew out of making mistakes and repeating them that shits for 20 year olds. not grown ass folks. feel me?
This is a sad situation! I agree with everyone else.
Wow...I never thought that I would be surprised by your Toxic Friend, but this trumps it all. She's so delusional! No wonder her daughter is having issues!
Going to Vegas, I bet she is marrying the idiot. And if she does turn up pregnant AGAIN, don't be surprised. I am not a Dr. Phil fan, but he has a saying I like - "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."
Girl, make a new friend. One who really IS a friend, not a train wreck.
Holy Shitfuck, Batman! LOL
She's testing the waters AGAIN to see how/if you would respond to her, and since you did respond to her, you've given her a glimmer of hope that you and she have a friendship again. She's doing the same shit, different day, according to your post, and wants you to get your feet dirty by traveling down that shit-paved road right along with her. I agree that it might have been best not to have responded to her in the first place.
I haven't heard from my former toxic friend since last year, but I know she's always LURKING, and that she might be tempted to e-mail me at any given time.
Please continue to delete and ignore her!
Ah I love that everyone is as mega annoyed by this as I am.
To address a few concerns,
1. Luckily this woman had her tubes tied after kid #3 so unless they untie themselves, it's doubtful she will reproduce any more
2. I am not worrying about her because I'm lonely, I have lots of other friends LOL.
3. I co-sign that the 8 year old will probably be pregnant by 13!!!!
4. And I bet the littlest baby will be pregnant 5 years after that.
Sat situation all around...makes me mad and sad all at the same time.