Time Off...
I really had no idea I'd be away so long or I would have posted a warning a month ago. I didn't intend to take a long break from blogging but I think I needed one. First I'll be honest, I don't know how much longer I'm going to blog.
First of all, I'm old. I'll be 29 in a few months. At my age, I wonder whether or not I should become a "private citizen" whose every thought, frustration, struggle, and personal relationship isn't written about ad nauseum in the internet. At one point, this was a necessity for me. Currently, it isn't.
When I started blogging back in 2006, I had just left my family and whole life to move to Arizona for my job, I was depressed and dealing with severe anxiety attacks, I longed for the friendships I had back East, I was juggling two men- one of whom got back with his wife after I left town, I hated my job....ugh the list of ills was pretty long.
Three years have gone by and I don't have any of those problems anymore. What drove me to seek comfort in a blog is no longer present. I'm not depressed. I'm not allowing man drama into my life. I love my job. I'm not perfectly at peace but I have a good life and I'm pretty happy for the most part. My job is 6 minutes away now- I fill up my gas tank ONCE a month - BE JEALOUS FUCKERS!!!
I'm decorating my new place beautifully, I have close friends who relate to me and care about me, I am fulfilled in the career path I've taken, I feel generously and fairly compensated...I feel really okay...almost 'fully okay' for the first time in years.
Almost.
I need to work on a few things like everyone else...no one can afford to stop evolving right?
But basically, there is nothing dramatically earth shattering to see here. Yes, I still have a myriad of rants left in me and a million things to say but only time will tell how much longer I will present them in this format.
Oh and I'd be lying if I didn't say that the lurking lurkers who read daily but can't bring themselves to post a fucking comment have managed to take the joy out of blogging and also make me feel as if I'm wasting my time but I digress...I mostly wanted to blog today because I'm going home to see my family in a month and it will not be here fast enough.
I don't know how many of you live 2000+ miles away from your family but wow...for me, it hasn't gotten any easier. I anticipated that, as years passed, it would get easier. That missing them wouldn't be so severe...I thought it would lessen with time.
How wrong I was.
First of all, my home city/state is recession central when compared to other places. It's routinely on some random "worst places to live" list because even before the recession, the economy and job outlook were shitty. People have been leaving in droves for years. The weather is awful, the atmosphere is abysmal, it's the rust belt all the way. I knew I was going to get out as soon as I had the chance.
Still, with all of that said and as much as I know this move was the right one to make for me, I can't express how much I feel like I am missing out on the lives of my family.
I miss seeing my dad all the time...I miss watching NBA games with him and cussing at the fucking TV like we've lost our minds.
I miss going to my grandma's house every Sunday for dinner. I miss her visits to my apartment and how sweet she is to my cats (whom she refers to as her "great-grandcats").
I miss my mom....I miss talking with her face-to-face and everything beautiful and wonderful about being in her presence.
God, my brother...I miss my little brother TERRIBLY. I don't even have words almost...he holds such a huge place in my heart and I really, really miss him.
Ahhh and all of my quirky, childfree, lesbian and gay friends...I wish so much they were still a daily part of my life. It's hard finding people that fit into your life so perfectly but my friends and family back home do that for me.
I haven't been back in a year but it feels like a decade has gone by. A year is a long time. Thank heavens my parents are both under 50 and I have young grandparents under 70, but still everyone is aging and I can't help but feel like I am missing really valuable time that I can never get back.
After nearly 4 years of being away, when does this get easier?
Mahogany Misfit - Monday, April 6, 2009 at 09:26PM - 11 said something... - filed under Life Issues Email Article 
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Reader Comments (11)
Not sure it ever gets easier... I have been away from my moms n pops for over 10 years.... I only get home about once every two years, so I do feel your pain. Although, I do have my maternal grandmother living with me now so there is some comfort in being around family. Nonetheless, it's great to hear that things are good... You are doing better than most and it sounds like you understand that. You are truly blessed. Also allow me to be one of the first to say that I would be saddened if you decided to discontinue blogging, but I do understand that everything has a season... Either way it goes, hopefully we can stay in touch with one another no matter what decision you make. Continued success to you!!!!
By the way I like the revised site...... Guess it was time for a change huh........ ;-)
I too live 2000 miles away from family--my relatives are scattered across a few states (mom, step-dad and wife, father and wife, three brothers) and I miss my parents--all three of them :-) --terribly. I visit when I can and we're waiting for finances to improve so they can come for a visit at our house in CA, but...it is difficult. One must live their own life, but that is hard when there are strong ties elsewhere. Thanks for your thoughts and the blog, and if you decide to discontinue the writing here, take care...best wishes, you're doing great! :-)
I will hate to see you go...but I understand. Take care! And have tons of fun when you return home next month!
dag. it sucks when you find a good blog and then they are now taking a leave. *sigh* oh well. i understand when its time to go its time to go. hopefully, the few rants you have left you'll post them here.
Hi everyone!
I love you guys and actually really missed you all but slow your roll...I didn't say I was quitting today, this minute...I just wanted to put it out there that I may not be doing the blogging for the long term. However, I will be posting for now and have at least a handful of things to blog about in the coming days and weeks so don't place me in an early grave yet. :-)
XOXOXO
I'm glad they said it and you addressed it, because I was just going to ignore that part of the post. : )
I feel you though
It never gets any easier, my family is back in the Caribbean, but thank God that my parents are right next door. Just cherish the time that you do get with them, so have mad fun when you get home and don't go eating on 20 pounds again. (I remember that from the last time) lol
And its refreshing to hear someone that is more than ok with her world!!
Hey...it's been a while. I see u changed the blog format again. I've taken a few hiatus' too, so I can totally vibe with you. I live 12000 miles from my family, and I'm going home for the first time in 10 years this July. I'm beyond excited...so I can understand elementally whats going on.
I'm glad things are going so good for you~ hopefully you can spread the good vibes around.
Hey Chick, you are not alone! I live far away from my family also, and they are aging as well. I miss them something awful. Even though I have a job I like and friends I care about, there is so substitute for the close-knit love and acceptance that comes from relatives.
I have loved your blogs for the last year at least, and if you eventually decide to stop, please know how much your words have actually helped me. Knowing there were other people out there going through the same things I was, and knowing there are other CF people out there, has been invaluable to me. So thank you for doing them and I sincerely hope you decide to continue.
Didn't mean to leave you hanging hun! Just been battling the spectres of layoffs at work. You never do get used to having family far away, I am in a similar situation and it really sucks to say the least.
I'm sure with your skills and experience doors shall open for you elsewhere so keep your head up!
Yeah, I've been living on the opposite coast as my family for 3+ years now. I'm anxious to go home and visit. I miss them terribly, and I thought it would get easier too as time went on...but if anything, its getting worse.
I'm motivated to revamp my career path so that I can be more bi-coastal, and take lengthy, extended trips to visit my family. In the meantime, I'm just dealing the best I can. At least 2 trips a year, even short weekenders help.
Its so nice to be in the comfort and warmth of those who love you the most.
Glad to hear everything else is working out for you.