My Cousin Is A Lesbo & The Dilemma With Nick
I know everyone is wondering about what happened with Nick so I'll address that in a moment.
First, let me say that I had an amazing trip home. Being with my family after being away for a year was so emotionally and physically comforting. It was a total love-fest and I am so lucky to be close to them and to enjoy being in their presence.
Moving on, let me tell you about the most recent family drama....
My 19-year-old cousin has turned completely lesbo and moved in with another woman. I think it's great news! From what I understand she really fell hard for this girl, which makes me very happy for her.
However, some of the "bible thumpers" in my family are convinced this is a crisis of epidemic proportions. UH WHY???
First some background...this is a cousin who had a pregnancy scare two years ago and was diagnosed with a STD at the same time. Luckily it was one of the more mild STD's that is easily cured by popping a few pills. In addition, this is a cousin who began stripping after graduating high school and was exposed to perverted men in a very hostile environment.
So, she is now in what seems to be a loving relationship with another girl, she's not being exploited, she can't become pregnant, her risk of being exposed to STD's such as HIV is lower now that she isn't having sex with men, and this is a problem????
Please.
Admittedly, I am the most liberal, non-religious person in my entire family so clearly I support her decision to love whom she chooses...but more importantly, I UNDERSTAND IT.
Let me say something...I may not be sexually attracted to women but I LOVE them. All of my deepest friendships are with women. I understand them, I love conversing with them, and aside from a few rogue friends in the past (which I'm sure everyone has experienced once or twice), I have amazing relationships with them. The insights of women and my relationships and interactions with them have truly enriched my life more than anything else.
Did I mention that I love women?
Seriously, that level of sharing, open communication, and closeness...I have really only experienced that with other women so YES, I get why my cousin is with another woman and I hope it works out for her.
Hell, if no one else in the family wants to attend a gay wedding in a few years, I will go by myself!
Anyway, on to what everyone wants to know. Did I see Nick???
Well...when I met up with my aunt on Wednesday, Nick was ALL she wanted to talk about. She was completely urging me to see him...but she gave me a piece of information that completely surprised me.
Nick is buying a house!
I had to sit on that info and let it marinate for a minute. Nick is buying a goddamn house! He's happy enough to buy a house there and put down roots with real estate.
I came back here and re-read ALL of your comments. Many of you thought there had to have been a REASON for Nick wanting to see me and that I would regret not seeing him and finding out "the reason".
Well, what could the reason be?
If it was simply to break the news to me that he was purchasing real estate, he could have very well told me this via email right?
Well, the choice was made at that point. That piece of information was the deciding factor in my decision NOT to see Nick. It told me that my instincts were correct. Nothing major is changing here. Nick isn't going anywhere and neither am I.
I have a happy, happy life in Scottsdale now and I'm not interested in uprooting it.
He has a happy life back East, he is obviously not interested in uprooting it.
And you know what? It's all okay! I didn't make the decision not to see him out of anger or disappointment. It was the best, most logical move for me. What could we possibly get together to talk about that was going to change any of these circumstances? Again I ask, what would be the point? For us both to long for the other to make some sort of a big life change that neither of us is interested in making?
Sounds like an exercise in futility to me.
My aunt was very distressed at the news that I wasn't going to see Nick now. She can sometimes be one of those delusional romantics. "What if he was going to ask you to marry him or something???" she asked.
HA!
As if a marriage proposal would change how I feel about leaving my entire existence here. UM NO.
I doubt I will EVER want to get married anyway!
She comes up with all these crazy scenarios about me and Nick....am I SURE I wouldn't move back there for him? Yes I'm 100% sure. Am I prepared to never find a man like that again? Uh yes I think I will somehow find a way to survive! I have a beautiful, fortunate life that isn't dependent upon a man to make it complete. WHY is that abnormal? And why are women always expected (by men and by other women a lot of the time) to give up everything for a man?
How about calling him up and asking HIM if HE'S prepared for the possibility of never finding another woman like ME?
I mean, HE'S the one who wanted to see ME right?
Grrr, sometimes the older women in my family have a frustrating mentality as far as the roles and choices of women always coming second to those of a man....anyway...
Yes, Nick and I had a great relationship but I had sort of a revelation about it after I got to thinking...maybe things were so amazing because MOST OF IT WAS SPENT APART?
I mean, we pretty much had a two year "honeymoon phase" if I'm being honest. Things were "perfect" because when we DID see one another, we were both on our best behavior and doing EVERYTHING possible to make each other happy. Is anyone else starting to think that was a factor in why things were so good between us? Isn't that how MOST relationships start out? What happens to relationships when people get comfortable? Doesn't a bit of complacency set in? Don't people start trying a little bit less to impress one another? Absofuckinglutely.
All the thinking I have done has brought me to a startling conclusion guys. And that is this: I honestly CAN'T say that Nick is perfect for me because we never had a "normal relationship" of constant togetherness. We had a relationship that consisted of seeing one another 7 or 8 times in two years. Yes, it was amazing...but now that I think about it, I can't make it more monumental than it was.
Maybe we'd be compatible as a "real couple", maybe we wouldn't. At this point, the reality is that neither of us is going to make the life changes needed to find out so I guess we'll never know.
So, I was 99.9% resigned to NOT seeing Nick and decided to call him out of courtesy to tell him I would simply be too busy. All the while, I was HOPING he wouldn't try to persuade me in the other direction...and hoping that if he DID try, I'd be strong enough to resist.
*Sigh*
The contents of that conversation will be revealed in the next post...
Mahogany Misfit - Monday, May 18, 2009 at 08:17PM - 10 said something... - filed under Dating, Life Issues Email Article 
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Reader Comments (10)
if your cousin is happy thats all that matters!
definitely can't wait for the next post... please don't keep us curious ppl waiting to long!
glad U enjoyed your trip :-)
I am so happy that you're supporting your cousin! The last thing she needs is a bunch of judgmental bastuds all up in her business! Keep on supporting her and letting her know that you got her back!
AS far as Nick, Hey, I wish I knew the answer and had the potion to make things exactly the way they're supposed to be. All I can tell you is this, search your heart, think long and hard about what it is that you really want out of a 'lationship' with him and stick with that. Good luck with everything! You're a smart cookie! :)
So what was the convo? Don't leave us hanging now!
Such a great post, Chick. You always think things through and I like to see how you reach your conclusions.
Good to know someone is supporting your cousin!
I like how you think things through. Can't wait for part 2.
LONG LIVE LESBIANISM!!!!! (can you tell I am part of the 'Rainbow Coalition"?!? lol)
Anywho, homo or hetero.....LDR (long distance relationships) are just difficult - period. I agree that everything seems magical the every other weekend you see these fuckers but could you actual survive CNN (24/7 ppl, keep up! lol)?
Relationships are SO difficult - I use to be optomistic, then suddenly I became jaded but flirting with the line of cynacism if I cry one more damn time!
Smooches & GAY Quick Claps
I agree with you. Life is too short not to be happy. If she is in love and feels loved, I'm all for it. To hell with what everyone else has to say.
I prefer LDRs for just the reasons you stated. I don't care to be bothered with the day to day. I guess maybe I'm just cynical.
When I saw "Lesbo" I was like, "damn am i gonna have to stop reading this chick now? She's so cool." But no! you reinforce the fact that you are cool as hell!
Thanks for being a supportive hetero black chick! Most hetero black women can love their gay "boyfriends" but when it comes to us sistas we get no love. Support your cousin because she's going to need your back awful bad!
I'm eager to hear about the rest of this Nick story! Yes, it is a twist that he bought a house...I gotta hear more about this!!!
Hey peeps!
OK, the rest of the Nick post will be up tomorrow.
Thatgirl- Thank you, I wish my family felt that way though.
Tanyetta- Aww thanks. I wish I had the potion to make it perfect too girl. But hey, I guess I have to realize I can't control everything and just do me.
Vixen- Hold your skirt on, it will be up soon! :-)
Give A Girl A Break- Thank you for saying that. My shrink would always say I am "too much in my head" and think too intensely. What does she know!
ThoughtsofaSouthernGal- I know right? I hate to be in the minority as far as having her back goes but hey SO BE IT.
P for Pretty-Yay for lesbians LOL. But yes relationships are such a hassle and honestly I am in a place now where I feel like I am just better off not bothering. I am sexually compatible with men but not compatible in any other way it seems. Might be time to switch teams LMAO!!!
Chloe- I feel you on that totally, I can tell from many of your comments that you and I are very similar! But part of the problem for me is, if I'm gonna do the relationship thing, I need to be able to dial some dick up and have it delivered in an hour or less. Sorta like a pizza. :-) The worst thing about the Nick situation was the limited access to sex!
Studpoet- You know, after I published this I wondered if "Lesbo" was going to be seen as offensive! That wasn't the intention at all! I have several lesbian friends back East and I have always known and been friendly with more gay women than gay men. I'm probably just used to throwing around the terms they call themselves (lesbo's, dyke's, etc.) without thinking about the immediate reaction of others.
Rest assured all my lesbian readers, I love every lesbo I've ever known LOL.
Girl, I hate when I'm all late and wrong to your posts, which seems to be occurring entirely too frequently.
Anyway, I wish folk would just get over whom other folk want to love. Love is blind as it's said, so we need to just let others be and do them.
As for Nick, I think you did the right thing. Relationships at a distance always have a tendency to be everything we want them to be until we're in them full time. Had I known then what I know now, I might not have dated a couple of people from my past.
You seem very happy and that's what I wanted to hear.
Love to live; live to love!