Somebody Is VERY Upset He Didn't Get A 2nd Date!
OMG this is going to trip you OUT.
Some of you may remember a guy I went out with who I nicknamed "Black Man With A Cat" aka David. If not, here's the story.
After I broke up with Michael the first time (back in the winter of 2007), I went out with David, who I had known casually for a while but had never gone out on a date with.
This is a single, professional, handsome, 39-year-old Black man with no kids and a cat...a perfect description of what I would deem on paper to be a great catch.
Since he was technically on call for work and was tied to the house, he invited me to his place.
I texted my mom his full name, physical description, and address (gotta be safe!) and proceeded to his place for what would be a very nice date. He has a cute little house in Chandler, we played several rounds of pool, and his cat and I got on like gangbusters!
HOWEVER- David has to travel ALL the time for work and soon after our date he had to leave the country for 2 months.
During that two months, Michael and I got back together.
Anyway, when David got back he called me to invite me over to his place for a party he was having. The strange thing was, HIS FAMILY was going to be there.
*I thought it was incredibly strange he would invite me to meet his family after one date.*
In any case, I gently told him that I rekindled my relationship with Michael and he "seemed" understanding about it.
Fast forward to a week ago...a whole 17 or 18 months after our first and only date.
I was on Yahoo messenger (I am hardly EVER on messenger anymore) talking to my friend G -who is like my caucasian big brother.
During my convo with G, David logs on and greets me.
Peep this transcript of our conversation and tell me this negro ain't a headcase ok?
David: hey whats going on
Me: not much! Just relaxin at home, what's going on with you
David: just chillin and relaxing
David: its been awhile since we chatted
David: u were moving i think the last time we chatted
Me: I know! Yes I moved to N Scottsdale to be closer to work
Me: that drive was too damn stressful
David: were at in N. Scottsadle
Me: I'm on _______ near _________ now
David: i work close to there sometimes
Me: really, well you'd have to let me know when you're in the neighborhood next...how are you and the cute little cat
David: certainly dont have a clue what cat your talking about
Me: sweet little Black one!! Who seems very well behaved and docile
David: she had u fooled
Me: no way, she is an angel
David: r u married yet
Me: certainly less mischievous than my two felines!
Me: ugh married no hell noooo
Me: not even dating right now I am on a hiatus, I got burnt out!
David: i was under the impression u were giving a second chance to that dude u were messing with
Me: I gave him a second chance but ended up breaking up with him again last summer for good
David: thats what usually happens
Me: I am glad things worked out the way they did with him, I think relationships teach you a lot
David: i guess especially when they waste your time
Me: WHAT? That's an asshole thing to say
David: is it
Me: Fuck yeah
David: sorry u feel that way but it is totally true. u might not want to accept that but it is.
Me: It's funny because I don't recall you knowing the exact dynamics of my relationship to make such a silly assumption
Me: and I think the bitterness and asshattery you're exhibiting is sort of gross. what do you know about a goddamn thing and why are you bitter? We only went out once before you left for two months!
David: no experience lends itself to me that after two times and as u said yourself it taught u alott
Me: I wouldn't say something of this nature to you in a million years but maybe I'm not the dickhead you are
Me: your experience has little to do with what occurred in my relationship though, again the dynamics of which you know absolutely nothing about
David: this is not that serious
Me: you totally overstepped there, I thought we were cool but damn where did all of that come from
Me: we haven't even spoken, I'm curious as to why you'd bring up old vague shit about my relationship when you don't know shit about it.
David: i have no idea how i over stepped and i really dont care! If a simple statement like that sets you off then there must have been some validity there
Me: David, we met ONCE....we haven't spoken in ages...you making that "statement" when you don't know anything about my ex and I's relationship is just weird and a bit vicious as well
Me: how do you know it wasted my time? what an asinine thing to say. You don't know shit and you definitely won't be the one to determine what is or isn't a waste of my motherfucking time
David: what does us meeting once have to do with a general statement I made. I can care less about your ex. If it didnt waste your time u still would be with him. So dont give me this crap.
Me: LMAO first off, do not talk to me like that. The fact that we broke up means it was a waste of time? Maybe that's how things work in your life but that isn't a safe assumption for the rest of us KNOW-IT-ALL
David: Ok whatever reason got you going I have no clue but it still appears you have feelings for him so why not go back
Me: If I had feelings for him I'd be with him, I've been avoiding him for 10 months now but you're right, you have no clue whatsoever. Your bitterness is thru the damn roof, you clearly need some help. In the meantime, don't talk to me like you fucking KNOW my life asshole. What's wasting my time is you acting like a bitch over a woman you met on one occasion.
David: ok
David: I really dont care and I cant believe that comment turned into this
Me: well clearly you care enough to make catty comments and attack me and a relationship you know nothing about to purposely insult me. I am on to your game negro.
David: ok
Me: who knows, maybe you speak to everyone like this...I surely didn't get that impression when we met though
David: who knows
Me: Wow, I don't know and I don't care to find out, this interaction freaks me the fuck out. LATER ASSBAG.
*I then deleted him as a contact and blocked his deranged ass*
WHAT A PSYCHO!
Did this crazy motherfucker just lose his whole shit on me and tell me that MY relationship was a waste?
This really happened in real life?
If ANYONE is going to classify one of my relationships a waste of time, it's going to be ME and me alone goddammit. I mean really.
During the conversation I was completely INCREDULOUS. Otherwise I probably would have cussed his ass out much worse that what you see here. This was me at a level 4 out of a possible 10, trust me.
I mean, look at how friendly I was to him at the beginning! What did I do to deserve that onslaught of crazy? WE HARDLY KNOW ONE ANOTHER! Who feels qualified to talk to someone like that when they barely know them??? And what is there to still be bitter about a year and a half later?
Plus, WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SEX!
Maybe I could understand his anger had I humped him and dumped him or something but jeez!
Wow, just when I think I have experienced all the fuckery men can bring, I am newly assaulted with further evidence that an astounding number of them are fucking crazy, whacked out, and completely toxic to my entire life.
I think this "temporary man strike" I'm taking just got a little less temporary!
Mahogany Misfit - Monday, May 25, 2009 at 06:24PM - 12 said something... - filed under Male Oriented Bullshittery Email Article 
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Reader Comments (12)
DAMN!
Rude and by his responses he don't give a damn and doesn't see how that could be a fucked up a thing to say. This man has ISSUES. He thought he was just gonna make that comment and you were going to allow it. Buzz! Try again fool! It is not your place to speak on a stranger's relationship boo.
All the men trying to get at Sexpot can call up David and thank him for fucking it up for everyone.
I kind of beg to differ here:
Me: I am glad things worked out the way they did with him, I think relationships teach you a lot
David: i guess especially when they waste your time
I think he meant "they" being relationships in general, not the specific relationships you had - ie: relationships teach you a lot, especially when they waste your time. Sounds to me like he was agreeing with you and then relating it to his own past experiences, which he may feel were a waste of time.
He could have tried harder to diffuse things and clarify himself, but then again, maybe he thought "WTF, I went out with this chick once and she's pissed off that I agreed with her??"
Anyway, that's my take on it.
Hmm that's interesting and perhaps if I were looking at this from the outside in, and not as someone who had a dozen or so conversations with this guy before met him, I would agree.
However, one thing I can say for sure about this asshat is that he is articulate and isn't the type to allow himself to be "misinterpreted". If his intention was to agree with me, he wouldn't have gone on to say "sorry u feel that way but it is totally true. u might not want to accept that but it is. " as if he needs to force some inconvenient truth down my throat about relationships LMAO. He could have immediately clarified the intention behind his words if I mistook it, but he chose to keep digging the hole for himself with bitter statements like "If it didnt waste your time u still would be with him, don't give me that crap".
But hey, I know the guy, that's just my take on it.
like U said what an ASSBAG... and honestly if he didn't care then he wouldn't have comment on anything about your past relationship... after you made the comment that U were on hiatus, he could' ve just said a simple oh ok, sorry things didn't work out and kept it moving... yeah he must have ISSUES that he is dealing with right now, or just plain BITTER that you guys only dated ONCE ok get over it!
My peacemaking Libra instincts are kicking in and I'm going to play devil's advocate. Usually, I'm behind you 100% but I think this conversation got blown waaaaaay out of proportion. This is the same kind of convo that my husband (who is a Cancer) would have with someone. You got defensive over something that if another person had told you, you probably wouldn't have had a problem with.
Guys rarely filter...he might have been peeved that you 'ditched' him for Mike...and learning that that didn't work out, well, that would irritate even me. It's like he lost his chance to be with you for nothing. Yeah, he said something stupid, but you pretty much castrated him and stepped on his nuts after that. Which is sad because it seemed like he was trying to sorta click with you again.
His first statement "That's usually what happens" just referred to the saying that when you break up with someone, never go back because the reasons you broke up with them are still there. I think he was looking at maybe his own failed relationships and history, which he brought into the convo. He was trying to say "I understand, I feel you girl" As for the Waste Your Time comment...it don't think it was intended wrong. It sounds like he was tryna commiserate over the breakup...but he just didn't get it out right.
I'm not saying that the comment wasn't out of line, but you really got defensive hella quick. You went from Cool Chick to Fiery Volcano woman in the space of a nanosecond. The conversation pretty much went downhill from there. You got defensive, he got defensive, then you both got offensive, it was just Communication 101 done all the way wrong! I don't think he's bitter or crazy, he was just tactless. He probably realized halfway through the argument that he put his foot in his mouth, and at first he was tryna defend his statement, but when he realized that you were just burning him anyway, he decided to say "fuck it" and just shoot the whole foot off.
I know, I'm retarded-ly analyzing this like it's a Shakespeare play...but I truly think that he didn't mean to sound crazy, bitter or disrespectful. I think you put alot of your assumptions in there too, and jumped into Battle mode. Sometimes, it's better to just give him enough rope to hang himself all the way or clarify the message that you are receiving before you respond. In my estimate (not that it matters), it's still a gray area.
Poor David, he just wanted to say hi and got his ass handed to him. *sigh*
Poor David...he just wanted to say hi and Sexpot went apeshit on him. Boo hoo on this punk that is not what I see here at all folks. Nah, he provoked her plain and simple and had the shot to clarify himself before it turned ugly. He kept provoking with the know it all, snarky comments- "why not go back, it appears you still have feelings blah blah blah"- know-it-all Mr. Psychology here. He obvs thinks he just knows everything. I hate men like that. What was the point of that comment? Other than to be a know-it-all ass?
Oh and I read him saying "that's usually what happens" as being in a know-it-all tone as well. As if to tell her "duh you should have known THAT was gonna happen dummy! I saw it coming, why didn't you?"
I don't see where he was attempting to commiserate sorry.
As my granny used to say to my gramps when they argued "if you don't want to be misunderstood, open your damn mouth and explain yourself." In the age of email, text, and messenger, it is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that typed words are often misinterpreted and that you will have to expound upon and explain the shit you say to avoid being misconstrued. This man is old enough to know that and could have stopped this train before it went off the track and up his smart alec ass. It was NEVA too late for this dude to clarify what he meant especially at the beginning. After she said it was an asshole thing to say, instead of saying "is it?" like a presumptuous, provoking assface, he could have said, "Hold on now, I don't mean what you think I mean" or something along those lines. He could've even told her to calm the fuck down and let him explain what the hell he meant. Instead, he decided to further flame her and make numerous snide comments to show Sexpot the "error of her ways" according to him.
He's transparent as hell and like sexpot, I am on to the negro too. He deserved to have his ass chewed on this one. Maybe he'll learn a lesson from it or like most men, NOT.
It is never healthy when a man assumes your feelings for you. Telling you how you still feel about someone or what value your time has is not acceptable.
Good on ya, chick.
I have to say Thatgirl- yes WHY didn't he just move on from there?
Vixen-
I'm sorry Vix, I just don't believe that line of reasoning. This man is damn near 40-years-old and you are excusing all of his smug, passive aggressiveness in the name if me being some ball-slicing bitch out to get him. Aww, who can blame this poor, defenseless guy for throwing in the towel in the face of a mean, scary lady who got mad at him? Um, I can! If he had pure intentions why would he throw in the towel instead of simply communicating and explaining what he meant? I drove him to shut down? How weak is that? Honestly, anyone who is too apathetic to correct me if I'm taking something they said out of context isn't someone I could respect anyway because I don't respect that style of communication. Have some conviction. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise be prepared to get shut down.
This is the problem with a lot of men- communication. If you are making a comment that has purely benevolent intentions behind it, why would you allow it to be misinterpreted when you can easily clarify? That makes no sense to me. We all know how easy it is to be misunderstood via typed words. Recognize that and explain what you meant. Hell, I don't mind being corrected when I'm out of line and I'm certainly not above having a slice of humble pie and APOLOGIZING for flying off the handle if I've jumped to conclusions. But seeing as though he NEVER bothered to qualify what he meant (especially when he had a prime opportunity early on), and only exacerbated the situation with his subsequent smug, assumptive comments, I'm not going to be swayed that I took what he said out of context.
Kellina- LMAO @ "a presumptuous, provoking assface". Yes that describes him perfectly. Also I didn't really think about his first comment that way until you said "I read him saying "that's usually what happens" as being in a know-it-all tone as well. As if to tell her "duh you should have known THAT was gonna happen dummy! I saw it coming, why didn't you?".
You know what, that makes a lot of sense. There was his first smug, back-handed comment right there. "That's usually what happens". Ugh fuck you David.
GiveAGirlABreak- Thank you. God hindsight is 20/20 and I made mistakes in my relationship with Michael. It taught me a lot about what I can and can't accept yada yada yada...The bottom line is, I was in love with Michael's silly ass however unfortunate or misguided that may have been. I have the right to call it a waste, a mistake or whatever the hell I feel because it was MY relationship and I know the beautiful things that happened, AS WELL as all of the complications and pain it caused. Some guy who barely knows me and is bitter about not having a second chance with me, is not in any way qualified to do the same and will get cussed the fuck out if I suspect that was the intention. He can either correct me in a wrong assumption or do what this assbag did- make the situation a whole lot worse.
He was very rude and what he wrote was very inappropriate. HATER!!
My two cents in the bucket...NO relationship is a waste of time because as you said, each one teaches you something. Maybe it was taken out of context and maybe it wasn't, but either way, he does sound like he's got some odd things with him.
love to live; live to love!
Maybe the fact that you didnt have sex is what made him get so salty, Im just saying.......