Dating: Do You Have A "Type"?
I was IM'ing with one of my girlfriends last night and got into an interesting discussion with her about whether or not people subconsciously select a specific "type" when it comes to dating.
Personally speaking, I can't say there has been a familiar "theme" among the men I've dated/fucked.
Well, except for 99% of them being suckily sucktacular in some way, shape, or form.
But that's just the magic of dating right?
Anyway, my friend can't say the same. Every guy she has been in a relationship with for the past 4 years has either been a member of law enforcement or in the legal profession! She's casually dated several attorneys, a paralegal, and a police officer.
She either has some kind of a fetish or she dates these guys out of fear she'll get into some trouble with the law one day and need help from an insider!
She won't cop to either though.
My other friend back East, always dates the "unavailable" type. Separated but not yet divorced men....men who live with women but claim to be "broken up and transitioning", men who file for divorce but never seem to end up divorced.
Ugh, it's crazy but hey that's her life.
My other girlfriend, well, she dates men who are little and skinny pretty much exclusively. She has been with every ethnicity under the damn sun but all of the guys have been thin and have the apperance of high-school students. She really likes them young looking and scrawny.
Boderline pedophile or harmless preference? YOU DECIDE!
I, however, couldn't seem to pinpoint such a theme. I'm totally random with regard to how a guy looks and I've dated men with various occupations. Let's see...everyone I've had any sort of relationship with for the past few years...
Andres- Banker
Nick- Architect
Michael- Contractor
Jason- Pharma Sales Rep
Terry- Software Engineer
Rob- Attorney
Let's see...we have one Latino, five Black men, most are in "white collar" professions, their complexions tended to be dark (I generally like my men on the more chocolate side, can't help it!), height varied, weight varied drastically (anywhere from probably 150-250), and two of the six have children (that I know about!).
So, on the surface, a few similarities between them but no obvious theme. (Penis size varied just in case you were wondering about that! Freaks.)
But then, I started to think about their personalities and realized that 5 out of six exhibited controlling, stalker-esque, or jealous behaviors, a passive aggressive communication style, and an over inflated ego that needed constant stroking!
Ugh maybe I do have a type and I never knew it!?!?
Dammit.
It's odd because my relationships with these guys were not all in the same capacity. Some I dated seriously, others were just fuck buddies. It's so strange to think that I would have ended up with so many of the same "types", whether the relationship was serious or not.
Wow, time to look out for these red flags the next time I get involved with someone and stop myself!
Maybe subconsciously we all gravitate toward the same type of personality traits in our dating encounters...I really have no idea but I'd I'd like some perspectives.
Do you seem to gravitate toward the same shit when dating, and has it bitten you in the ass like it has me?
Do tell peeps!
Mahogany Misfit - Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 11:21AM - 10 said something... - filed under Dating Email Article 
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Reader Comments (10)
Interesting post!
When I was single, I admit that I tended to date LOSERS - whether intentionally or not. Two of them were married, the rest were either unavailable emotionally or physically, broke, playa-playas/had other women on the side, had too many kids, WOO! Yes, it was my fault! So glad those days are over! Interestingly enough, the very man I married is the complete opposite of all those jerks I used to date. Go me? LOL
I'm not dating but, I find that I gravitate towards the same type of friends and I've been let down in more cases than I can count. The past few years, I became more proactive in recognizing the signs that these friends are not good for me. Even when I know they're not good for me, I still keep them around. I have no idea why.
I'm currently dating and there is no rhyme to reason in the selections; though I do seem to gravitate toward cops or military men. I'm currently seeing an attorney and a cop, so I guess I've got my legal bases covered; no pun intended.
I have very specific deal breakers and rarely ignore the red flag waving at me like a chirpy hello or the gut feeling. From last July to now(after my celibacy break), there was the following:
The Toolbelt - Contractor...6/4, 210, deep chocolate, sexy as hell, sex awesome...had to let that go for his babymama drama.
Dreadz - Real Estate...5/11, 180, deep caramel, suave, sexy, sex good...on hiatus because he's between the U.S and Jamaica
Legal - Attorney (duh)...5/9, 180, Puerto Rican, sexy, confident, sex great...currently on roster
ACPD - Cop...6/1, 280, deep chocolate, sweet, sex (haven't/won't)...currently on roster, but in a platonic capacity
Achilles Heel - State Trooper...5/9, 165, deep caramel, sexy, confident, sex hall of fame...currently a revolving door
So, that's my stats...rather varied...toldja; no rhyme to reason
Same here - I always seem to get either the users/abusers, wishy-washy or drama queens as friends (Mahogany Misfit EXCLUDED here! ;) ) and end up getting hurt. I think it's because I'm loyal to a fault and very protective of my close, personal relationships and either people can't handle it and drop me or mistake my kindness for weakness and try to use me.
Now that you mention it, I used to go for the same kindof body type - tall, built or really physically fit, sexy, but all shades of black. The problem with all of them was they were all full of themselves, like OVERFLOWING with their own shit. Outside of my ex-husband (who was the prettiest of them all) they all were "recovering from previous pains, women did them all wrong and they were not ready to commit.
The guy that I've been with for the past 3 years, was someone when I met I was SOOO not interested in getting to know. He was tall and cute but in more of a cuddly bear way. He wasn't lean and fit, not very talkative or social, he didn't wear his "sexy" on his sleeve - TOTALLY NOT MY TYPE. I was so not interested that I told him to ask my friend for my number, thinking and hoping that she would give him the wrong number. (I know, that was so wrong) THANK GOD she did because he has been such a wonderful addition to my life. I think about that all the time, the what if
VLM- Wow, I am worn out just hearing about all that drama. I thought MY dating antics were sad LOL!
Tanyetta- It sounds to me like you have a "captain save a ho" complex ha! You know from reading about my "toxic friend" that I have been there too...getting rid of that influence is the most liberating feeling ever. Try it! ;-)
Blu- OMG I LOVE THAT YOU HAVE CUTE NICKNAMES FOR THEM ALL! *The Toolbelt* being my fave! :-) They do sound very random and I like that mix of variety!
P.S. we seem to have been with the same number of men in the same time frame HA. What a coincidence.
Tessa- Oooh you like the vain type. I stay away from those! I am high maintenance enough on my own, I cannot have a guy gazing lovingly at his own reflection in a butter knife while we're out to dinner. Fuck no.
Anyway, the story you told reminds me of Michael. I was not at ALL attracted to him (even my family's reaction when they saw pictures was "ewww, he is not cute enough for you!"), but at the end of the day he won me over in other ways. Yeah it was a bust but now I am much less prone to reject a guy over initial lack of "attraction".
I have a type that I'm attracted to or notice first but that doesn't always translate into who I actually end up dating
lol. Even if it's subconsciously everyone has a type whether they know it or not, in my opinion.
I usually end up dating really tall, lean men. That's the obvious bit. But come to think of it, they've all had really similar personalities. Really nerdy, not great socially and sometimes a little too intense. I think people tend to go for their opposites, because they want to balance out their "faults". So someone who's really shy will go for a social butterfly to distract from their quietness.
I love this topic.
I also have a tendency to go for very hypermasculine types - cops, military, firefighters. I also love attorneys and high powered executives, etc. The theme here being I love men who are VERY ALPHA and very in charge.
Problem is, my type also seems to be commitmentphobic and/or emotionally unavailable.
Since my husband and I split, I have been involved with men almost exclusively who are unavailable in some way, either because they are shipping out; already married and cheating; guys who fuck and run; guys who make you fall in love with them and then disappear, breaking your heart; guys who already have girlfriends; guys who are married to their jobs.
I was briefly involved with two men who were quite available; no chemistry with either of them.
I see this, I know I am doing this, I know it is happening. How the fuck do I fix it????
Okay all of mine have a kind of nerdy quality in them but physically nothing alike at all.
The Muslim - this is my " I have never said no when he calls person" because I know he will not disappoint me.
The Banker - not dependable, sexually cool but not as experienced as myself although he is 14 years my senior. Besides the british accent is so sexy. Great conversation
Playa - married (Don't judge me) can eat the hell out a pussy but ain't nothing else happening
Aviator - former boyfriend, can finish my sentences and will and have driven hours to meet him when he is traveling sometimes I fly to meet him as well . makes me laugh and is so smart and sexy.
The Haitian - cool as fan but he plays for both teams so he can't get it at all ... But I love him as a friend.
Biggest problem, I have been engaged several times and have come to thte conclusion that I shall never marry. I get bored and gotta go when things start to get complicated. Only the Muslim and the Aviator are long term players on the roster 10 and 15 years respectively. The rest are all free agents..